I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize