I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
