never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
