He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
