He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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