Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
