Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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