and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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