You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
