Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
