I could make wine with my vomit
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
