NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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