Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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