..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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