Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
