Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
