i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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