youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
