when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
