Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize