I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
