i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
