update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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