i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
