Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
