How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
