it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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