If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
