who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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