Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
