You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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