Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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