She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
