not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
