You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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