When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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