My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
