for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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