3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
