I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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