either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
