Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
