Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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