that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
