Please, let me fuck your mom
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
