I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
