her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
