you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
