If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
