It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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