No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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