I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
