I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
