My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
