I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
