every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
