I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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