So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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