dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
