the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize