i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
