a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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