She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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