Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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