I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
