A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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