yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
