I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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