I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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