haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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