Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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