so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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