It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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