you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
