just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
