i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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