actually, I'm a sock model
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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