Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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