But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
