i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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