I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
