I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
